Secret, secret, I gotta secret! DOMO! domo… DOMO! domo… HAHAHA GET THE REFERENCE?!?! No? ... Anyway, here are a few fun facts about me you probably didn’t know. Some aren’t “secrets” per say... but things that tend to slip through the conversational cracks. I have a black belt in Kenpo karate. KIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That’s right so don’t get up in my GRILL son!!! What. What. Come at me. Technically I was a ‘Junior Shodan’ (junior black belt) since I wasn’t old enough to be a ‘normal adult voting rent-a-car’ black belt. This was back in 2000 so I was only 13. Kicking ass before I even had ball hair. Looking back on it, I had a ton of fun. Got to learn a bunch of sweet punch and kick combinations, takedowns, meditation techniques, stretches, weapon techniques (yes WEAPONS in MY hands lolol) all in the name of self-defense. I was pretty good with a bo-staff and could have been auditioning for Donatello if I stuck with it. I also got to use Kamas, and if you don’t know what those are google it. Now imagine me, a 13 year old, in a room full of adults swinging two of those around. #potentiallawsuit I have never seen a Harry Potter movie or read any of the books. Prequel Star Wars, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Harry Potter: The big three of my generation. The ‘nerd triforce’ of early 2000’s barely-teens. The fact that I have never viewed a Harry Potter movie in its entirety or read any of the books may come as a complete shock to you. I mean damn ‘nerd’ is the first word in the title of my blog. VIC HOW COULD YOU!?!? YOU’RE A FRAUD!!! Nah, not really. I mean I know what it is. I’ll shout wingardium leviosa at a beer in the hopes that it magically floats from the fridge to my hand. I just never got into the series. So sue me. Actually don’t sue me. Nah screw it go ahead, I don’t have much. Waste of time for you in the long run. I had frosted tips for a solid stretch in high school. Aaaaaand guess what stretch of high school that was… senior yearbook photo time! YIPPEEE!!!! Look if N'Sync and Dawson’s Creek were hot in the streets while you were in high school you would have done the same thing. I was going to blame it on the football team making everyone bleach their hair blonde, but I didn’t play football senior year. Am I proud of it? Not really. Would I do it again? Yes, but for at least $500. Good news is it doesn’t look that bad in black and white, and my high school yearbook photo is the only evidence that exists. I think. I have a bachelor’s degree in Marine Biology. Yep, I actually paid several dollars to go to school for this. And it was AWESOME! Classes about sharks and squids, labs on the beach, trips to aquariums and field research on a boat in Buzzard’s Bay. Sure organic chemistry sucked donkey-dixxx and the ‘throw-away’ 101 classes were boring, but the rest of it kicked ass. This is actually a big reason I started working at the aquarium back in 2009. Couldn’t find a solid job right away so I picked up volunteer hours working with the penguins. Been doing it ever since! One day I’ll get a full-time gig doing something of the sort, but for now I’ll just continue throwing cancer cells around a room full of robots. I have a misspelled tattoo. Kinda.
So I have a “bro-tat” with a friend of mine, meaning we both having the same tattoo. “Bro” as in “brother/friend” and “tat” as in “tattoo” (sorry some people actually don't understand that). We decided the time was right and got the ink… at the same place, by the same guy, on the same day, literally one after the other. My friend went first and it turned out great. "Ok, cool! Looks siqqqqqqqqqqqqq. My turn!" The tattoo itself is an inside joke. It’s supposed to say “Landmine” with a little picture of a landmine underneath it. My friend’s tattoo says “Landmine”. What does mine say? 'ANDMINE' Artist kind of screwed the pooch yeah? Guess the ‘L’ grew legs and ran off. His response? “Whoops!” Now I say “kinda” misspelled because unless you knew someone else had the same tattoo that said “Landmine” you wouldn’t know the ‘L’ was missing on mine. “Andmine” kind of makes sense… it’s like “And Mine” without the proper spacing. We like to joke with one another… He got the correct tattoo, AND then there’s MINE! Haha see what I did there?!? At least I didn’t have to pay for it.
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Summer 2016 is offish in the mo-floppin' hizzouse. Gangster.
In honor of warmer weather and outdoor activities, I'd like to share with you a handful of my favorite smoothie and protein shake recipes for maximum emotional and physical gainz. Whether you're looking for something post-workout or just something sip on at your next cookout other than sun-warmed Budweiser...there's something here for everyone.
The "Holy Shit I Have To Be At Work In 20 Minutes But Need To Eat Something"
12 Ounces Orange Juice 2 Scoops Vanilla Whey (Optional For Max Gainz) 1/2 Frozen Banana 1/4 Cup Greek Yogurt 2 Tsp Vanilla Extract 1 Tsp Flaxseed A great option if you're like me and fly out the door at 5:30am... and don't mind waking up your roommates. Add ice cubes or frozen fruit to make it more smoothie and less juice-like. ![]()
The Bad Girl
1.5 Cups Milk 4-8 Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies 2 Scoops Chocolate Whey 1 Teaspoon Peanut Butter 3-5 Ice Cubes Who's been a naughty girl...
Fruit Bonanza!!! (Three !'s)
1 Cup Strawberry or Blueberry Yogurt 2 Cups Frozen Berry Blend 1 Cup Orange Juice 1 Small Frozen Banana 1-2 Cups Ice Hammock and terrible acoustic guitar player optional but not required.
Boston Bruins Smoothie Yeah Guy Dude Kehd Bro
2 Frozen Bananas 1 Tbsp Peanut Butter 1/2 Cup Vanilla Frozen Yogurt 1 Tbsp Cocoa Powder 1.5 Cups Milk (or Almond Milk) 1 Scoop Vanilla (Away Games) or Chocolate (Home Games) Whey Summer is great and all, but is far and away the WORST time for professional sports. Here's to hockey/football season in 3 months.
You're Kale-ing Me Smalls!
1 Cup Chilled Green Tea 1 Cup Cilantro 1 Cup Baby Kale 1 Cup Cucumber 1 Cup Pineapple 1 Tbsp Fresh Ginger 1/2 Avocado Juice From 1 Lemon (Or To Taste) Yay health! Now this might not be for everyone... but this bad boy is PACKED with the vitamins and minerals you need to pound beer and hot dogs at full efficiency. Give it a shot, it's Brent Rambo approved. ![]()
America, F*ck Yeah!
2 Scoops Vanilla Whey 8 Raspberries 4 Strawberries 15-20 Blueberries 1 Cup Milk 3-5 Ice Cubes Suck it terrorism. ![]()
Banana Bread Shake
2 Scoops Vanilla Whey 1 Banana 1/2 Cup Cooked Oatmeal 3/4 Cup Bran Flakes 1/2 Cup Water 2-3 Ice Cubes Sweetener To Taste Why go through the trouble of baking banana bread when you can just blend it up and drink it? Saves time and it's much easier on your duodenum.
Happy blending! Give me a shout if you try any and let me know what you think!
I'm not a tech guy. I have no idea if any of the following applications are "do-able", "realistic" or "worth-a-shit"... but I'm here to suggest them nonetheless. If you happen to know a tech guy and want to go in on any of these with me I'm game. There's a fat piece of equity in it for you. Helllooooo Shark Tank.
Find My Sock
This problem has existed since washing machines were invented, and I don’t know how this isn’t a thing yet. Basically it works like ‘Find My iPhone’, except find my sock. I lose a sock EVERY time I do laundry. Literally every time. I could put 20 pairs of red socks into the wash and end up with 15 pairs of blue socks and a balled-up receipt from bar I was at last night. Not with this app. Every time you get a new pair of socks you snap a picture of it with this bad boy to register them in the system. It will assign your socks a matching code to keep tabs on it. Right sock -223432234A and left sock – 223432234B. Oh you just did laundry and lost a sock? “SHIT SONOFABITCH WHERE IS 22343224A?!?!?” Just fire up the app and follow the radar pings until you find it. Warm…Warmer… WARMER… HOT… HOTTTERRR! BINGO! It’s 2016 for Christ’s sake. We can launch missiles up a terrorist anus from 20 miles away but we can’t find our socks?
Auto Right/Left Swipe
Tinder. Bumble. Grindr. Thrindr. Quintindr. Milfs4Dilfs. Save your finger the trouble of having to constantly swipe one way or the other. Unless of course you want to rig up some sort of Pee-Wee Herman pancake flipping contraption to do the job, save your precious phalanges and a little bit of time. Depending on your mood/gender/level of intoxication this could be a great way to multitask… just set it to ‘swipe right’ when you’re 8 deep at the bar so you can get back to incoherently babbling about how you don’t use dating apps because they’re creepy and weird and no ‘normal’ people use them. Ahhh, but what if you get a match? Can’t keep swiping if you get a match… you usually have to select ‘continue’ or ‘start chatting’ or something. Don’t worry, I've got you covered. You won’t even have to take your phone out of your pocket. Two foot taps for continue swiping, three for stop and let me take a look. Nailed it. Just can’t use it on any dangly-foot roller coasters. ![]()
Drunk Food Delivery
It’s 1:00am, you’re disturbingly drunk, and STARVING. You’ve never been this hungry in your life. You’d eat your first born if you could get past the legal issues. Thinking back to more innocent times, I’ve always enjoyed a good old fashioned picture book. Like one or two words MAX per page. Dr. Seuss style. When I’m drunk and hungry the last thing I want to do is try and order a pizza by actually speaking to another human being. I also don’t want to order anything online and have to fill out 4 pages of bullshit, type in a bunch of credit card numbers/order details and then triple confirm everything. Hassle-city. Here’s the idea. You open up and app and it’s just one screen with a bunch of bright, colorful pictures of food. Pizza, burgers, ice cream, you name it. Just click on the picture of the food you want and it’s on its way to your mouth. Done. Just pre-select a bunch of restaurants/food you like and it’s delivered to wherever you are. Like Uber for food. No need to tip, the money is automatically withdrawn from your account. I understand certain places are now allowing you to send them an emoji via text to order food. I question the integrity of any restaurant that accepts emoji’s as bond. Might as well start sending gun emoji’s to 9-1-1 when there’s a robbery. ![]()
Nearest Open Bathroom Locator
Pretty self-explanatory. Nowadays most stores and shops keep their bathrooms locked up tighter than a virgin hamster. When you’re out and about and the brownies begin their final decent to your b-hole, every second is precious. Why waste time ducking in and out of random coffee shops ordering donuts just to get the bathroom key when you could have a phone app plot you a GPS-mapped course straight to the nearest crapper? Maybe even include a ‘cleanliness-index’ to avoid shit-covered port-a-potties. Worst case scenario it directs you to the nearest alleyway and assesses the probability of being arrested and registered as a sex offender. It almost might be worth the risk. Hopefully with said app, we can prevent situations like this...
Spoiler Prevention App
The premise is simple. You enter a bunch of keywords or search terms and the app will remove any articles/clickbait titles/Facebook posts/memes etc. that contains those words. For example, an avid Game of Thrones watcher might enter the terms… “Game of Thrones” “Dead” “Dies” “Killed” “Incest” “Murdered” “Slaughtered” “Dismembered” “Embowled” “Beheaded” “Stabbed” “Dragons” “Fire” “Shame *ding* Shame *ding* Shame” … the list goes on. Sure it might be easy to just say ‘block all Game of Thrones content’… but the trolls always find a way around it. Sneaking GOT spoilers into Batman memes or Tinder (Yes, TINDER). Perhaps we just need a dedicated police/task force to hunt down spoilers and confront them. Kind of like Dateline: To Catch a Predator, but swap out the child-molesters for spoilers/trolls. Keep Chris Hansen though. **Post-Google update: Seems like there are some forms of this app already hovering around on the interwebz, but nothing seems to work very well. This application/computer software update needs to be perfected and distributed ASAP. We’re talking call the National Guard, round up the whirly-birds and air drop updated electronics across the grid. Shit, I’ll help.
There are two things I love in this world on complete opposite ends of the ‘Alpha-Bro’ spectrum: Star Wars and gym workouts. Holy yin-yang situation Batman.
“Now Vic, you can’t possibly combine the two and still give off ‘dem cool kid vibes.” – The neighsayers. I find your lack of faith disturbing. Granted working out in complete Stormtrooper or Princess Leia regalia would definitely draw some unwanted attention… but what if no one knew you were working out with Star Wars on the brain?!? Fear not fellow hybrid athletic nerds, here are some Star Wars inspired workouts you can perform safely from the comfort of your gym shorts.
“Darth Maul’s Lightsaber”
I’ll never forget the first time I saw Maul’s double bladed lightsaber. Flash back to 1999. “Hmm that handle is a little long for a lightsaber... Well yeah its red no surprise there. Why is he holding it sideways like a gangster Sith? Oh. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Something like that. This is an arm workout all about supersets. You know, like two for one! Double trouble! Twice the pain, twice the gains! Remember kids, superset means you complete each exercise back to back with no rest in between. And as a general rule of thumb: pick weights that fit the rep ranges, the last 1-2 reps should be a bit of a struggle. Push it... push it real good. 4 Rounds of Each Superset (4 Supersets total) Dumbbell Bicep Curl x 12, 10, 8, 8 Triceps Barbell Skullcrusher x 12, 10, 8, 8 Dumbbell Shoulder Press x 8, 8, 8, 8 Dumbbell Rear Delt Flye x 12, 12, 12, 12 Cable Rope Hammer Curls x 12, 10, 10, 8 Triceps Rope Extensions x 15, 12, 10, 10 Dumbbell Side Lateral x 15, 12, 12, 10 Dumbbell Front Raise x 10, 10, 8, 8 ![]()
“Trade Federation Invasion”
The second Star Wars film was all about a big ass clone army versus a big ass droid army in a galaxy on the brink of civil war. Today in the gym we’re going to be playing the role of the Trade Federation and their army of obedient droid-soldiers. As you may have guessed, this circuit style workout is going to use nothing but machines! Move from exercise to exercise and circle back to the beginning when you’re finished. Pretty tough, but so are you. Show the Republic who’s boss. 3-5 Rounds (Depends on comfort/fitness level!) Cable Rows – 8-10 Reps Chest Press – 8-10 Reps Machine Preacher Curls – 10-12 Reps Cable Straight Bar Extensions – 10-12 Reps Machine Shoulder Press – 10-12 Reps Leg Press – 8-10 Reps Leg Curls – 12-15 Reps Leg Extensions – 12-15 Reps Calf Raises – 12-15 Reps
“The Assembly of Lord Vader”
Revenge of the Sith... the Star Wars movie with the scene everyone had been waiting for since 1977… The construction and assembly of Darth Vader’s classic black bio-suit! DUN DUN DUN DUN-DAH DUN DUN-DAH DUN!!! In an homage to arguably the greatest villain to ever grace the big screen, try this full body workout. It's like you're assembling your OWN Darth Vader suit! Gotta make sure all the moving pieces work before you start Sith-ing. Squats: 3 sets x 6-8 reps Bench Press: 3 sets x 8-10 reps Barbell Row: 3 sets x 8-10 reps Dumbbell Shoulder Press: 3 sets x 8-10 reps Leg Extensions: 2 sets x 10-15 reps Lying Leg Curls: 2 sets x 10-15 reps Barbell Curl: 3 sets of 10-12 reps Lateral Raises: 3 sets of 10-12 reps When you realize you’re only halfway through the workout…
“Death Star Trench Run”
Use the Force Luke! Nothing like re-enacting a classic Star Wars scene in your local gym. Just don’t tell anyone that it’s from the movie and you should be good. I’ll probably be making TIE Fighter sounds the whole time but that’s just me. As far as the workout goes, it’s a great finisher for your workout no matter what you’re training that day. Line up a bunch of dumbbells, barbells or kettlebells, starting with the heaviest pair and ending with the lightest. Let’s pretend its shoulder day. Pick up the first pair of dumbbells (heaviest) and do as many presses, raises etc. as you can. When you’re spent take a 20-30 second rest and move on to the next pair of dumbbells (a little bit lighter) rinse and repeat all the way down the trench! You can make it as long and intense as you want (that’s what she said)! You could do lunges, curls, cleans… the possibilities are endless. I would not recommended switching off your targeting computer… please keep your eyes open. Now let's blow this thing and go home (also, that's what she said).
"Jedi Training on Dagobah”
Time to get silly with it and pretend like we’re running around with a small green mutant on our back. This workout is all about plyometrics and calisthenics… think back to when Luke was running around the swamp with Yoda doing flips and push-ups and shit. I’m not including lifting an X-Wing out of a swamp so don’t worry, that’s for the more advanced lifters. Bonus Points: Wear a weighted vest for Yoda-simulation or have a friend whisper motivational quotes into your ear the whole time. Push-Ups – 3 sets max reps Chin-Ups – 3 sets max reps Box Jump – 4 sets x 10 reps Plyometric Lunge – 3 sets x 20 reps Dips – 3 sets max reps Crunches – 3 sets max reps Step-ups – 3 sets x 20 reps **Super Jedi Bonus: Wall handstand push-ups as many times as possible.
“Ewok Party”
The Empire is on the run. Vader is roasting somewhere in the woods. Your sister (who you made out with earlier) is now banging your best friend. Life is pretty good. Let’s celebrate in the treetops with a bunch of fluffy oversized squirrels. Hope you’re ready to hang out on a pull-up bar for awhile! Wide Grip Pull-Up (Palms away from you) – 2 Sets Max Reps Chin-Ups (Palms facing you) – 2 Sets Max Reps Inverted Pull-Up (aka Bodyweight Row) – 3 Sets x 10-12 Reps (Use smith machine or TRX rope) Dips – 3 Sets x 10 Reps Close Grip Pull-Up (Palm away) – 2 Sets Max Reps Neutral Grip Chin-Up (Pam facing) – 2 Sets Max Reps Hanging Leg Raises - 3 Sets x 10-15 Reps Pull-Up Negatives (start from the top of a pull-up, lower yourself as slow as possible) – 5 Reps YOU DID IT! Don’t get cocky kid.
Strap yourself in for what WWE is deeming “The Greatest Money in the Bank EVER!!” That’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it plays out for them.
Can I just say up front, Renee Young is slowly creeping her way onto my ‘Top 10 Girls I’d Never Have A Chance With’ list. She’s the perfect mix of kinda weird and adorable. Corey Graves either needs to fire his stylist or choke on a chicken bone. Also, WWE commentators shouldn’t be referring to certain matches as ‘WrestleMania worthy’. What does that make the other matches… average turds? EVERY match should be WrestleMania worthy! Don’t you want your superstars to be busting their butts all the time, even mid-Smackdown?!
Preshow - BreezeDango vs The Golden Truth
NO ONE CAAAA-RRRRESSS *clap clap clap-clap-clap* This was uncomfortable to watch. I mean really with the fake sunburns. Breeze and ‘Dango looked like the lovechildren of Toucan Sam and a leper. Watching pimple popping videos on YouTube is more fun. Whoever is responsible for this storyline needs to be fired and exiled to Antarctica with nothing but a granola bar and a wool sock. Score: 2/10
Preshow - Lucha Dragons vs Dudley Boys
Listening to Bubba talk shit in the ring never gets old. But the quote of the match goes to the commentator that yelled "GAME OF THRONES AIN'T THE ONLY SHOW WITH FLYING DRAGONS!" Gosh even they know 95% of their viewers will be tuning out from 9-10 to watch the Battle of the Bastards. A few cool moves from Kalisto… but just your typical pre-show match. Nothing to see here. Move along… move along. Score: 3.5/10 ![]()
Fatal 4 Way Championship Tag Team Match: Enzo & Big Cass v. The New Day v. The Club v. The Vaudevillains
What in the actual shit does Gotch use to keep his hair from moving. Straight up road tar?! +100 Smack talk points for The New Day. The Chewbacca noises made me legit LOL. A decent match to kick off the main show, with some interesting dynamics due to the match type. All sorts of plots and sub plots flying around. Got a kick out of the spot where all the wrestlers were in the ring at the same time punching each other in the face for 15 seconds. Buuuuttt, this match wasn’t without its fair share of botches. I'm 99% sure the ref counted to 3 by accident when Enzo pinned Anderson… WHOOPSIES! Makes me think that this is all rigged and planed in advance. Oh and Kofi picked up the win by pinning Aiden English who was not the legal man. Yikes. The New Day retains the tag belts. I would have been cool with anyone except The Vaudevillains winning really. My guess is they want things to remain relatively unchanged in the tag division until the brand split? Whatever… CUE THE BIG E DANCE! Score: 7/10 ![]()
Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
Wait how is this not a pre-show "Who can come out with greasier hair" match? I don't understand the Baron ‘Balding Dough-Gut’ Corbin hype. Not a fan. Gunna blame Vince and his ever-raging boner for ex-athletes and dudes over 6’5”. The match even got a solid ‘BOOOOORING’ chant from the crowd. I’ll be downstairs making a sandwich… Previous WWE Production Meeting Vince: Anyone feel like getting their ass kicked by Corbin today? *Ziggler raises his hand. Vince: Anybody?! Anyone?! *Ziggler raises both hands. Vince: COME ON THERE HAS TO BE SOMEONE! *Ziggler raises both hands jumping up and down "OOOO OOOO ME ME ME!" Vince: *Facepalm* Not again… Score: 4/10
Women's Tag Match - Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs. Natalya & Becky Lynch
FINALLY… A CHARLOTTE MATCH WITHOUT RIC FLAIR INTERFERENCE! WOOOOOOO! That’s cool, but honestly it was just an OK match. Not bad, but not great. I really don’t understand the out-of-nowhere heel turn by Natty at the end. Poor writing in my opinion, it made zero sense. Becky Lynch getting pummeled again for something that wasn’t even her fault. I expected more from you ladies. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Score: 5.5/10
Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus
The streak of averageness continues with another singles match that could have easily been transferred to the pre-show. On the bright side, the WWE didn’t bury Crews by having Sheamus win. At least they are putting new, exciting ‘new era’ talent over. Crews is super athletic and awesome to watch when he is ‘on’ and not standing up in the middle of a Chris Jericho lionsault (video below). Speaking of lionsaults… pretty sweet moonsault by Crews off the apron to a sprawled out Sheamus on the floor below. However, super-weak finish for a guy as athletically gifted as Crews. I mean a roll-up… really?! Especially on a big strong dude like Sheamus, it just doesn’t fit. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! Score: 5/10 ![]()
AJ Styles v. John Cena
Finally, an awesome match! Granted it got off to a slow start with both superstars playing off the crowd and waging a bit of psychological warfare, AJ Styles remains one of the best in the business at what he does. This guy turns puppy turds into gold-plated puppy turds. It’s like he can’t have a bad match… They’re average at worst. AJ dominated the match, working body parts (Cena’s calf after the calf-crusher) and playing the role of superhero… slipping out of 32897823 attitude adjustments and reversing/rebounding every time Cena tried to grab a hold of him. Even Cena had the crowd on his side a few times, kicking out of a Styles clash and surviving phenomenal forearms. It really stressed the fact that AJ and Cena are the best of the best, which I thought was good storytelling. But holy hell Cena, I literally heard 75% of the spots you were calling… inside voice John, inside voice! As far of the finish, I was bummed AJ didn’t win cleanly over Cena, but if WWE is really trying to go full heel with AJ and the Club, interference (despite signing the NON-interference contract) was the right move. Part of me was hoping AJ would be furious with the Club for interfering and return to being a clear babyface, but he seemed cool with it. Heel AJ it is. Score: 8.5/10 ![]()
MITB Ladder Match – Chris Jericho v. Alberto Doritos v. Sami Zayn v. Kevin Owens v. Cesaro v. Dean ‘Jeans’ Ambrose
And the award for best match of the night goes to… Once again a match involving KO, Zayn, and several ladders gets my vote for best match of the pay-per-view. I even enjoyed the Owens interview/smack-talk sesh at the beginning of the show. “First of all, you need a breath-mint.” LOLZZZZ. This ‘intercontinental division’ has been on FIRE lately. How Zayn doesn’t have a title strapped around his waist by now is BEYOND me. PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY! These superstars tore the house down. Yep, even Del Rio. They killed each other! Sick spots everywhere. All 6 dudes punching the shit out of each other atop a tower of ladders at the same time. Owens smashing Zayn onto a suspended ladder and Zayn somehow not breaking every bone in his back. At one point I thought Cesaro broke his skull when Del Rio threw him into a ladder he set up to stick out of the turnbuckle. Jesus. Imagine if this match was 15 years ago and blood was allowed. Jeans Ambrose smashes Owens off the ladder a few times and grabs the briefcase! THE CROWD GOES WILD! Although I was secretly pulling for Zayn, Ambrose deserves to be Mr. Money. Crazy good stuff all around here. Score: 9.5/10
U.S. Championship - Titus O’Neil v. Rusev
‘Hey O'Neil children, come watch your dad get his ass beat and tap out to a giant Bulgarian on FATHER’S DAY!’ Best part of the match was watching O’Neil's son slap Rusev in the tit post-match. Rusev retains. *YAWN* Happy Father’s Day!!! Score: 4/10 Lana Score: 9.9/10
WWE Championship – Seth Rollins v. Roman Reigns
And who says the WWE doesn’t give the people what they want (actually, pretty much everyone). To their credit, Vince and the boys delivered the goods. Great match and a round of applause for Seth’s right knee... welcome back old chap. Good to see Roman fight with some anger and get pissed off for once. I’m telling you he’d be an all-time awesome heel if he just fully embraced it. You had refs getting knocked out, Reigns pushing Rollin’s around and playing the big-brute card, Rollins with an awesome pedigree snagging Reigns right out of the air mid-spear… oh but that suplex into a falcon arrow Rollins pulled off was pure #wrestlingporn. Rollins is a BEAST. Main event worthy match through and through. A clean win for Rollins! And after 7 months on the sidelines he has reclaimed his WWE Championship! Woooo! I wonder if Ambrose… AND IT’S DEAN AMBROSE BLINDSIDING ROLLINS WITH THE BRIEFCASE. He cashes in, hits Rollins with dirty deeds and BAM! AMBROSE IS THE WWE CHAMPION! Excellent, if not predictable. If Ambrose loses the title on Raw tonight I’m moving to Canada. Two title changes in a span of 2 minutes. Finally Vince grows a set of balls and strips Reigns of the title. Sets up a triple threat match between Jeans Ambrose, Reigns and Rollins beautifully. Good on WWE for catering to the fans for once. Score: 9/10
Not the one from MITB... but still siqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq.
Overall, MITB '16 had two, maybe 3 outstanding matches and then several average to below average matches. In my opinion it didn’t live up to all of the pre-show “greatest MITB ever” hype, but it wasn’t bad. Ending on a mega-positive note left me feeling pretty good about the next few weeks. Interested to see how the brand split will play out.
All hail the King of the Jeans. |
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