Go into any local New England bar past 11:00 pm and you’ll likely hear some classic comedy movie quotes… Bro #1: Suh dude. Bro #2: Suh dude. Total sausage mixer tonight yo. Bro #1: Yeah, kehd. Except for those girls over there yo. Are they even 21 dude? Bro #2: "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older. They stay the same age." *BRO HIGH FIVE* …You know like from ‘Dazed and Confused’. Classic! McConaughey, Affleck, keg party, paddle hazing… COME ON PEOPLE! But everyone knows the classics. I’m here to remind you about some of the lesser known, underappreciated, or often overlooked comedies and the small nuggets of comedic gold they are holding deep within their bowels... Lines my friends and I tend to shout at all hours of the day. “That’s a huge bitch!” – Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo This is a classic late 90’s comedy film, and an underappreciated quote gold mine. I love it primarily because I could actually see myself as an aquarium repairman/fish rescue guy. That’s pretty much all a degree in marine biology from a state school is good for. This quote can be used in almost any every-day scenario involving something larger than what’s considered normal. Could be just a tad bigger, or 1000 times bigger. Screaming this line exactly the way the dude in the movie does is so much fun. Guy/girl/inanimate object… doesn’t matter! Opt for the large coffee instead of a small this morning? THAT’S A HUUUUGE BITCH! Fat dude on the subway taking up 3 seats with each butt cheek? THAT’S A HUUUUGE BITCH! Just get your heating bill for January? THAT’S A HUUUUGE BITCH! You get the idea. “Suck me beautiful.” – American Pie Three out of five Bieber heads to anyone who has actually tried this. Five out of five Bieber heads if it actually worked. Granted American Pie is a pretty well-known comedy, this line tends to get lost in the shuffle that is pie desecration, band geeks, and a webcam strip tease. I like to toss this line around as an expression of pleasant surprise more so than using it in its literal form. Example: *Gets e-mail from work saying the office is closed due to significant Nor’Easter* “No work today? Well, SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL! STAR WARS MARATHON AND SWEATPANTS!” “This wedding is horseshit!” – Step Brothers You can use this line literally anytime things aren’t going your way or you’re not happy with the current situation. Best part, doesn’t even have to be at a wedding. So I’m big into Star Wars: Battlefront (shocking) which is just like Call of Duty except replace the bullets with lasers and unrealistic warfare with uber-unrealistic warfare. So I’m getting absolutely murdered every two seconds, the connection is terrible, lag-city, my team sucks, we lose… total disaster. So what did I do? I said loudly and firmly “F*ck it, this wedding is horseshit”, turned the Xbox off, slammed the controller down, and went downstairs to watch Jeopardy. See what I did there? I wasn’t actually AT a wedding, but you still got the message. I was upset. I would not let my K:D ratio suffer due to the incompetence of inferior Battlefront players. “Fink’s got the Eye of the Jew!” – Beerfest This line is not about you. It’s how you let the world know that your boy is absolutely killing it. Nailing every shot in beer pong. Getting all the girls. Getting that tax filing extension. Sneaking his own food into the movies without getting caught. Just crushing life. You stand up and yell at the top of your lungs “HEY! EVERYBODY! FINK’S GOT THE EYE OF THE JEW!!!” Is your friend named Fink? Hopefully not. Is he Jewish? Maybe. But everyone around you now knows to stand at least 100 feet away from your boy, unless you’re comfortable being in the Shamu splash zone. “You see Ronnie, his dick is the gun.” – Role Models You know when you try to explain something to someone 85 different ways and they still don’t get it? Well, the 86th time you try to explain it is when you hit them with this line from Role Models.
Scenario A: (worst case) They still have no idea what you are talking about and also don’t get the reference. Scenario B: (mid-level enjoyment) They understand the movie reference and you both get a good chuckle, but the original conundrum is still unresolved. Scenario C: (best for content) They think that the answer to the original conundrum is literally that someone’s dick is a gun.
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