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Doorbells
It’s 2016. If I’m expecting you just call/text me so I can let you in. Why you ask??? 1) Doorbells don’t work 95.5% of the time. Even if they do work you can’t hear that it’s working so you end up jamming the button 100000 times and annoying the ever-loving-shit out of everyone inside the house. God forbid it’s a multi-family house and you end up smashing the wrong doorbell. Awkward city. 2) When a doorbell rings I automatically assume the worst…. It’s a police officer looking to arrest me. It’s a murderer. It’s one of those dressy religious guys with a briefcase who wants me to join a cult. It’s a detective coming to tell me everyone I know is dead. It’s a group of 13 year old boys lighting dog shit on fire and leaving it on my porch. It’s the UPS guy with my package who rings the doorbell, leaves the package, and zips away in his truck before I get down to the door so now I think that the package is a bomb/anthrax. I can’t be the only one who freaks out when the doorbell rings. Heck even most pizza guys give you a courtesy call nowadays. Do yourself a favor and avoid any accidental maiming by just calling me when you show up.
People who carry out conversations in the worst possible location.
We’ve all seen them. A group of 5 business suit guys walking arm to arm talking up the whole sidewalk as they chat about stocks and bonds and 401k. The lady who has to have an intimate conversation with a friend at the bottom of an escalator. The parents who have to discipline their children in the entranceway of Target. The bros who decide to recreate a recent frat party in the middle of a squat rack during gym rush hour. LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE would be fine to have a conversation. I’m at the point in my life where I’ll straight Red Rover through a group of people clogging up a doorway or aisle. Unless your dad is James T. Sidewalk or Harry S. Doorway, you don’t own that shit. MOOOOOOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY
99% of House Stark (Game of Thrones Spoilers Ahead)
Are the Starks the most overrated medieval-fantasy family in history or what? Let’s break down the tape… Ned Stark – Executed, dead. Catelyn Stark – Tricked, murdered, dead. Robb Stark – Tricked, murdered, dead. Benjen Stark – Weird pasty-white half-zombie guy with terrible skin. Rickon Stark – Did not zigzag, dead. Bran Stark – Crippled, did not listen to his mom, got several people killed including a giant mentally handicapped guy, ugly. Arya Stark – Quit her assassin training because she let her emotions get in the way. Soft. Also ugly. Jon Snow – Technically died. Handsome dude but not really even a Stark. Hair not as good in a man-bun. Sansa Stark – The only hope for this bloodline. House Stark: You either die or you’re ugly. #PrayForSansa
Anti-Brexit Protests
“You can’t triple stamp a double stamp!” - Harry Dunne I can’t stand sore losers. Look, you already voted to bail from the EU. No do-overs. If we start handing out mulligans to the U.K. we’re gunna have to start handing them out to everyone else. Do we really want Trump to invoke his “Do-Over Clause” if he loses this upcoming election? Terrorist Group A just launched a bunch of missiles at us, but they handed in their re-do card so it’s cool. Yeah, no. ![]()
Slow/Dumb People in Line at the Grocery Stores, Target etc.
A quick true story… I was in line at a CVS picking up a few minor things. Pretty sure it was just a bottle of water and some toothpaste. The woman in front of me trying to make a purchase at the register could not understand why the final price of her purchase was more than the price of the items she had. It was the sales tax. The guy at the counter tried explaining it to her for about 5 minutes and 36 different ways, but she kept yelling at him and asking for the manager because she thought she was the victim of some government conspiracy. Now granted she might been from a state/country where there is no sales tax, but this is Tax-achusetts for crying out loud. After a solid 6-7 minutes standing in line behind this dumbass (with NO ONE ELSE OPENING UP A REGISTER) I had reached my boiling point. I said out loud “F*CK THIS SHIT”, walked up to the counter, slammed a $10 dollar bill down and walked out the door with my stuff. No one stopped me. There’s a special place in hell for people like tax lady. And don’t even get me started with coupon people. ![]() #DONE
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