So I.... errrr sorry, "Dr. Seuss" re-wrote Star Wars - A New Hope for an upcoming charity event. Check it out! Just keep in mind the good doctor may or may not have had a few beers/bong rips beforehand.
The Rebels hold fast,
while the Stormtroopers dock. The blast doors swing open, Vader's leading this flock! Plans for the Death Star, the Rebels have claimed. With a grimble and a grumble, Vader searches in vain. One droid, two droids. Red droids and blue droids. Red droid goes "SHWWWWWICKCKCKCK... BOOM!" "We'll take the blue droid." The little blue droid, by the name of R2-D2. "Message for you sir!" Beep boop wee woo! A female projection! A welcoming sight! "Help me Obi-Wan, we must win this fight!"
Night falls on Tatooine,
Luke ponders Obi-Wan, Little R2 was just here, But alas, he is gone! In search goes Luke, trailing all the droids features, "Oh no, Sand People! Such barbaric creatures!" Luke was now trapped, and C-3PO too, When all of a sudden... "WEEEEEAROOOOOOO!!!!" Ben Kenobi appears, to drive off the raiders. And as it trurns out, for Luke, a lightsaber! To Mos Eisley spaceport, our heroes will travel. What mystery and intrigue, will a future Jedi unravel?
A scuffle in a bar,
leads to a friendly encounter. But who shot first? Han did. Now stop talking about this shit. It's pretty obvious. The Falcon takes off, planet Alderaan in sight. Strange... Alderaan is nowhere to be found. Incoming TIES! Fight, fight, fight! The Princess looked on, as the Death Star fired. Alderaan blew to smithereens, to her chamber she retired. "That's no moon!" Explains Luke to the crew-y. "It's sucking us in!" says Han. "GGRRRAHHHHHHHHRAHAHAHAHA" says Chewie. The tractor beam pulls, and the Falcon resists. But its strength is too much, and the Falcon submits.
On board the Death star,
the Princess and a rescue! A trash compacter party, timely escape thanks to R2. They retreat to the Falcon, with jumps, leaps and bounds. But not all is well... For Obi-Wan is struck down! On the moon base of Yavin, the rebel forces meet as one. Chances of destroying the Death Star? Slim. Slim to none. An Achilles heel, the Rebels do discover. An exposed thermal port, through which a torpedo could hover. X-Wings and Y-Wings, all up in this bitch. They take to the sky, Luke's trigger finger doth itch.
At the Death Star they arrive,
an impossible mission. Led by Luke and R2, and an Obi-Wan vision. Against Red 5, the odds are stacked, Vader hot on his tail, there's no turning back! "Use the Force, Luke!" states Obi-Wan's calm tone. "You're all clear kid, let's blow this thing and go home!" The torpedo is launched, Luke holds his breath in anticipation. BOOMSHAKALAKA! Total. Death Star. Obliteration. Our Rebels win the day, in glee and bliss they run around! Yet Vader still lives, and Hoth is soon to be found...
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