Music. We all love it. Some music makes us head bang naked in the bathroom and use our wieners as whammy bars. Some music makes us weep gingerly into a big bowl of Tear-E-O’s. Alas, life is music and music is life. If my life was a series of songs, here’s how it would shake down. Birth The Lion King – Circle of Life 'Kinwahbaba pink pajama bottom! Kinwahbaba pink pajama bottom!' The miracle of birth. The innocence, the purity, the tar poops and placentas. Granted I don’t have any recollection of this time in my life whatsoever, it seems like my parents didn’t drop me too many times which is sweet. I do have a weird unexplained indent on the back of my head though. Age 1 – Age 12 Bobby McFerrin – Don’t Worry Be Happy I only have a few distinct memories from this time in my life, but rest assured they are all pretty awesome. I was just having fun… you know... being a kid! Eating all the cake, sledding all the sleds. No taxes or tuition to worry about, school is a breeze, eating boogers isn’t yet frowned upon, video games, wiffle ball and bike rides all day ‘erry day. If I only knew puberty was right around the corner. Age 13 – Age 15 Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff My testosterone and Mountain Dew fueled 'rebellious' era. Hormone levels begun to skyrocket. WARNING!!! DANGER DANGER!!! Reading Playboy magazines in the woods and then starting a fire with them to destroy the evidence. Shooting each other with airsoft guns and slingshots. Staying at the mall super late until security kicked us out. Badass. Age 16 – Age 18 New Found Glory – My Friends Over You The end of my glory days at Wilmington High School. The last hurrah. The last few moments to spend some quality time with the bros before we went our separate ways. Forget chicks tonight bro, I just want to dance. Age 19 - Age 22 Wale ft. Sam Dew – LoveHate Thing College. The pure and utter hatred for organic chemistry, kids who wouldn’t shut the hell up at 4 in the morning when I have a test at 8 am, community bathrooms, 3 hour night labs and rent-a-cops. Mix that with the natural highs of ditching class to go get coffee, firing slingshots stuffed with Chex Mix or mustard down the hallway, slam dunking the last beer pong cup to send a message, or hanging out with a girl on your roof 'til the sun comes up. I wouldn’t change a thing. Age 23 - Age 27 Queen – Under Pressure OK I have to get a job, gotta get out of the ‘rents house. Wait how am I going to get to work?!? Oh shit I have to buy a CAR!?!? Those are like $80,000 dollars if you want one that works right? But wait I can’t buy a car unless I have a JOB! OH SHIT I NEED A JOB!!! Ummm ummm ummmm, THERE ARE NO JOBS!!! MARINE BIOLOGY WAS A BAAAAAD CHOICE!!! Age 28 – Present Day Chris Brown – Look At Me Now Seems like I may finally have my shit together. Solid job. Car. Apartment. Penguin gig. Side-blog. Yeah man, life ain’t too shabby. Look at me now, I’m gettin’ PAPPPERRRR! (minus state/federal/social/medical/dental/vision/401k/savings incentive)!!!! YEAHHHH BOOYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!
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