A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… several minor Star Wars characters got absolutely shafted and seriously should have considered firing their agents. Here are a few such characters who pulled off some epic wins//fails without so much as a footnote in the credits.
R5-D4
If this little droid aka “Red” never blew its motivator, there’s a good chance C-3PO and R2-D2 never see each other again. Luke never would have seen the message from Leia that R2-D2 had stored away. Luke never meets Obi-Wan, Luke never learns about the Jedi, and the Empire blows up everything with the Death Star. At least Luke would have finally been able to swing by Tosche Station to grab those power converters and Netflix/chill with his friends. And hey maybe his aunt and uncle wouldn't have become shish kebobs. Side note: 'Bad Motivator' would be a killer name for a rapper. ![]()
Admiral Ozzel
Botch-A-Mania! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Botch-A-Mania! *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Thanks to a heaping dose of ‘Oops, my bad bro!’ on account of Admiral Ozzel... Leia, Han, Luke and many other key members of the Rebel Alliance were able to escape during the invasion of Hoth. Ozzy was the one who initially doubted Vader’s prediction that Hoth was in fact the location of the hidden Rebel base. Even those dumb probe droids the Empire sent out got the answer right. Long story short, a few tactical miscalculations earned Admiral Ozzel a good old fashioned telekinetic execution at the hands of Darthy boy. Moral of the story: You can never probe enough.
The 2-1B droids who saved Anakin Skywalker
Granted they were following protocol, these bastards are the ones who resuscitated Anakin Skywalker after his bubble bath in lava and gave him his shiny new bionic Vader body parts. Basically they enabled Anakin to physically transform into Darth Vader. Imagine telling your 2-1B droid grandkids you were the one to stitch up the Dark Lord of the Sith? Awkwardddddddddd. Great way to get out of a droid family reunion though. Years later another 2-1B droid would save face a bit by giving Luke Skywalker his new robo-hand. WHICH SIDE ARE THEY ON?!?! I can deal with pure evil and angelically good on the scale of life, their actions are predictable… it’s those middle-er’s that scare me. Never quite know what they're thinking... Hey Darth, quick question. What do you think of Dark Souls 3?
Ditto.
Chief Chirpa
All hail the chief! Ewoks in general get the short end of the stick in Return of the Jedi. The word ‘Ewok’ itself is not spoken even once throughout THE ENTIRE MOVIE! Not one of them is ever addressed by name… and trust me there's some good ones. Wicket W. Warrick. Teebo and Paploo. Sound like law firms. Adorable fluffy law firms. So back to Chief Chirpa. This dude’s name should be in the history books with the likes of William Wallace and Hannibal as he pulled off one of the ultimate upsets in the history of warfare. I mean are you kidding? How did Chirpa organize this so well? A couple days earlier he was worshipping floating gold robots and whacking shit with sticks. A handful of rebel soldiers and some pissed off Care Bears armed with hang gliders, rocks and logs are able to defeat the IMPERIAL FORCES LED BY DARTH VADER!?! Wut. Has to be one of if not THE most significant battles in Star Wars. I mean it’s the battle where Darth Vader is ultimately defeated. Which brings me to my final character…
Nien Nunb
Remember that pancake-face looking dude next to Lando on the Millenium Falcon who mumbles things that sound like a slightly racist version of Chinese? That’s Nien Nunb. His lore and backstory is ridiculous, but in the actual movies his screen time is limited to a handful of minutes. But in those precious few minutes, oh man did he DO WORK!!! Nunb was first mate on the Millenium Falcon during the Battle of Endor. His job? Weapons and ordinance. NUNB FIRED THE SHOTS THAT BLEW UP THE SECOND FREAKIN’ DEATH STAR! And the movie is like “Ehhhhh, not important. Just make sure his giggle SFX are top notch.” I mean come on… this dude along with Chirpa put an end to the reign of the Galactic Empire! A fluffy two-foot-tall mutated squirrel and a giggling, derpy vagina-faced alien altered the course of the Star Wars galaxy forever. On second thought, I can see why they glossed over these characters. Han was a much sexier hero.
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