I'll be the first one to admit this: I was a Pokémon kid (insert "I'm not surprised" comment here). We’re talking original Pokémon Red and Blue when there were only 150 of the suckers. Waaaaayyy before Leaf Green and Silver and Platinum, Ruby and Goldust. And yes I chose Bulbasaur because my favorite dinosaur is Stegosaurus and he kind of looked like one. Come at me. Boy did I stick it to Misty with that green little bastard... Unless you live under a rock-type Pokémon, you've probably heard of ‘Pokémon Go’ by now. If not… well it's a Pokémon game that essentially forces you to get off your lazy ass and literally walk around town looking for Pokémon through your phone. Now I'm not here to tell you that you should or shouldn't be playing it, but if you DO decide to play… keep your head on a swivel. There's some crazy Poké-shit going down out there… A Chick in Wyoming Found A Dead Body (http://www.ktvq.com/story/32403198/wyoming-teen-playing-new-pokemon-game-on-phone-discovers-body/) A teenager in a small Wyoming town stumbled across a dead body in search of the mighty Wigglytuff. Gross. It's cool if you're not freaked out by these kinds of things. Maybe cops should just play P-Go all day instead of waiting for me and my expired inspection sticker to drive by. Anything that increases my chance of finding a dead body normally isn't something I want to participate in. That inner-monologue always fires up when you're the first to discover a dead dude... “Do I just pretend I never saw it? What if someone saw me see it?! Do I report it? If I do report it, what if they think I did it? Did I do it?!? OH SHIT DID I DO IT?!” Not worth the stress IMO. People are getting Poke-mugged (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/robbery-suspects-using-pokemon-go-to-target-victims-police-say) In this game you are allowed to drop 'lures' in certain spots, which makes actual real-world locations turn into Pokémon ‘hotspots’. Ok, awesome. Well guess which group of people figured this out and started placing their own lures around town. Robbers, thieves and potential murderers. It’s genius really. What a great way to bring a bunch of unsuspecting and easily rob-able nerds who more than likely haven’t done a single push up their entire lives to one spot! "Hey dude, sorry there’s no Squirtle here. But how about the rare 'Shotguninyourface-mon'? It evolves into Gimmeallyourmoney!" It happened just outside St. Louis, Missouri...and I have a feeling that won't be the only incident. Maybe don’t play at night and avoid hotspots near graveyards, random dead-end alleyways and windowless vans. Your Pikachu can’t actually protect you, so maybe bring a knife or a crowbar or something. Be smart about it. Gotta' mug em all. A teenager was shot and killed while trespassing on the hunt for a rare Pokémon (http://nationalreport.net/teen-killed-trespassing-while-playing-pokemon-go/) I know Zapdos is one of those ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ Pokémon prizes…but it’s not worth breaking into the bedroom of a complete stranger’s house. Aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s exactly what happened. A teenager in South Carolina had the bright idea of breaking into a 67-year-old neighbor’s house at 1:00am because a rare Pokémon showed up in there. Turns out people’s homes can become hot spots. He didn’t catch any Pokémon, but he did catch a 9mm handgun bullet to the chest. Cheers to Pokémon Go for helping clean up the gene pool. Traffic is now WORSE somehow, and parked cars aren’t even safe (http://jalopnik.com/pokemon-go-makes-driving-a-lot-more-dangerous-1783377760). Great. Just when traffic couldn’t get any worse. Now you have morons like the guy in this article stopping his truck in the middle of the road, BLOCKING TRAFFIC, to make a Poke-pit-stop. I swear if I ever see this I’m throwing all of the pennies in my cup-holder at them. And you thought you were safe in a parked car? Nope. How about walking in the crosswalk? More dangerous than ever. Check out these tweets… First person to get flattened in the middle of the road looking for an Onyx by someone in a truck also looking for an Onyx is going to be laugh out loud funny. Especially when the first responders who arrive on scene are also looking for said Onyx. Injuries galore! (https://www.bostonglobe.com/news/nation/2016/07/10/pokemon-unexpected-side-effect-injuries/c1TTglDH4A5Oc1KgjlqRbJ/story.html) Kids falling in ditches and breaking bones. Dudes wiping out on skateboards. Bruised shins, cuts, and scrapes. One kid even had the balls to complain that his legs hurt from all the walking. This made me laugh out loud… (http://www.whec.com/news/people-hurt-playing-pokemon-go/4194089/) Kyrie Tompkins, a 22-year-old freelance web designer, fell on the sidewalk and twisted her ankle while wandering in downtown Waterville, Maine, on Thursday night. "It vibrated to let me know there was something nearby and I looked up and just fell in a hole," she says. Her parents had to drive her and her fiancé home. Dear future Mr. Kyrie Tompkins. Are you sure about this chick? The words 'freelance' and 'web designer' in the same sentence are never a good sign. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!
(http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/07/11/pokemon-go-is-a-hacker-s-dream.html) As the title of the article clearly and beautifully articulates… “Pokémon Go is a hackers dream”. Granted the government or hacker group X most likely has 99% of your personal shit on file already… if they don’t they do now! An “internal Google spin-off company” (note the air quotes… if that doesn’t sound fishy to you there's something wrong) is collecting all sorts of information on you through the Pokémon Go app. I mean the game is about to surpass the TOTAL number of Twitter users in LESS THAN A WEEK! We’re talking access to your camera, contacts, GPS location, SD card contents, birthdate… and check this out. The company can legally hand over any information it finds to law enforcement, sell it or share it with third parties… basically do whatever they want with it! ...'Merica!!! If you truly want to be the very best. Like no one ever was. Catching them is your real test... training them the cause...You won't let a few pesky government agencies get in the way of that right?
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