In a weird and ironic twist of fate I, Victor S. Dellisola IV, might be one of the most qualified people on the planet to answer this question (slight exaggeration, but not really).
Marine Biology degree? Check Seven years of volunteer experience working with penguin colonies? Check Obsession with sharks to the point of getting a tribal shark tattoo? Sadly, check. Legit my two favorite animals on the planet are represented in the quest for Lord Stanley's Cup. The odds of that have to be astronomical. Speaking of odds, I'm going to predict this years Stanley Cup winner using SCIENCE! Animal science. Kind of. It's comedy people. Roll with it. ![]()
Geographic Distribution
There are over 400 species of sharks on the planet, and several I'm sure that have yet to be discovered. No surprise since sharks have been around for about 430 million years now. You can get a lot done in 430 million years. Now you'll find sharks nearly everywhere you find water… in oceans, rivers, salt water, fresh water, estuaries, lakes… all the water. Heck there's even the Greenland shark which inhabits the sub-arctic waters of the North Atlantic, and the Frilled shark (nightmare fuel) that lives 5,000 feet below the surface. Kind of impossible to give an exact number of how many sharks are on earth, but they're a hardy group I'll give them that. Penguins on the other hand (depending on who you ask) are represented by only 18 species. Well that's a little bit less than 400 isn't it. The oldest penguin fossils discovered thus far date back 50-60 million years. Also, all penguins are native to the Southern Hemisphere and more or less live near areas of upwelling that bring them a steady supply of food. They don't have quite as many potential inhabitable locations as sharks do. Sharks claim the victory here due to a 370 million year head start, a wider range of distribution, adaptability, and potentially undiscovered species. Advantage: SHARKS
Reproduction and Gestation
Let's say we have a catastrophic event that results in the near extinction of all populations of sharks and penguins. Zeus just says "Screw it!" and zaps a bunch of them. Barring any other stimuli, which animal would have the best chance of re-populating based solely on their reproductive cycle and habits? Depending on the species, sharks can give birth to live young or lay eggs. Some will care for their newborn pups (albeit briefly) whereas others will leave their pups or eggs to fend for themselves. Shoot and scoot. You might be dealing with half a dozen live pups, or a batch of 200 eggs. Needless to say, there's a lot of variability with shark reproduction and it's a bit of a crapshoot. The actual gestation period is even more variable depending on the species. It can be as short as 7 months (hammerheads) or as long as 3-3.5 YEARS (basking sharks). Let's take the average… 24.5 months. Penguins are birds, thus all penguins lay eggs. Usually two at a time (an alpha and a beta), and at least one of the two parents will dedicate time to incubating the egg and caring for the chicks when they hatch. Incubation time varies between species and can be any where from 30-70 days…. the average here being 50 days. That's DAYS people. A penguin chick that hatches after 70 days will still be born 5 months before the first baby shark has the chance to emerge. Coupled with the parental love and attention baby penguins receive, I'm going to have to give the edge to the birds here. Advantage: PENGUINS ![]()
Superpowers
Both sharks and penguins have some unique abilities that would make pretty good party tricks for humans. Let's look at Penguins first… 1) Cold tolerance - Not all penguin species live in cold climates per say, but they all rely on diving into cold water to catch their lunch. The key to extreme cold survivability? FEATHERS BRO! Their feathers work in unison to simoutanelousy keep water out and provide a bubble of warmth around their bodies at all times. Plus, they happen to have the densest set of feathers in the animal kingdom at about 80-90 per square inch. Bonus feature: natural camouflage called 'countershading'. Very, very sneaky sir. 2) Expert swimmers - They're like little swimming Captain Americas, the peak of bird swimming potential. Able to burst at speeds of 20-25mph and extremely agile. They can zig zag and porpoise through the water like nobodies business. Check this… they can even slow their heart rates downs to become more oxygen efficient underwater (a diving reflex or bradycardia). Emperors in particular can hold a single breath for about 25 minutes. Not bad for a pudgy waddling feather ball. Ok, switching gears to sharks… 1) Enhanced senses - Ever head of the Ampullae of Lorenzini? No, it's not a Game of Thrones character. These are actually special sensing organs sharks have and work almost like a sixth sense. I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! Electroreceptors around the head of the shark allow it to pick up electromagnetic fields in the water. Cool stuff. They also have something called a lateral line which allows them to detect movements and vibration in the water. You ever see a school of fish all turn on a dime at the exact same moment? That's the lateral line at work. And although a sharks eye sight isn't the greatest, their sense of smell more than makes up for it. Sharks are able to detect the tiniest amounts of a chemical in the water. Certain species can detect their prey at one drop of oil/blood/chemical at one part per 10 BILLION. That's the equivalent of one drop in an Olympic sized swimming pool. Daredevil eat your heart out. 2) Survivability/Durability - Like I said, sharks haven't been around for 400 million years because they're pussies. They're survivors, apex predators and top of the underwater food chain. They've inhabited almost every nook and cranny of the oceans and waterways on this earth. Incredible swimmers built for speedy bursts of 30mph and donning a suit or armor made up of tiny teeth called dermal denticles. Oh and the daggers for teeth they have in their mouths… teeth that ALWAYS keep getting replaced. Penguins are great and I love them to death, but I'm taking the shark superpowers every day of the week and twice on Sunday. I'd be an armor plated electromagnetic pulsing scent sniffing slicing dicing crime fighting BADASS. Advantage: SHARKS ![]()
Intelligence
Measuring intelligence is a tricky thing. Is intelligence the brains overall capacity to learn? Is it the application of instinct and learned material to the various situations you encounter? Now when you think intelligence and the ocean you almost always immediately go to dolphins. But let me tell you, penguins are some smart bastards. Although we like to treat them like wild animals at the NEAQ (no touching, training etc.) they are most certainly capable of being trained. They recognize individuals, they know who's new and who's been around awhile, they know when its time to eat or when they're being hunted down for a veterinary check-up, and they will in fact learn to respond to the names we give them over time. They are also VERY vocal with one another, forming complex and intricate social hierarchies within their colonies. They're really isn't much out there as far as 'penguin intelligence' studies, but come by the aquarium sometime and see for yourself. Trust me, they're bright birds. Sharks have a certain degree of intelligence, but in my opinion are mostly instinctual animals… evolved to become the perfect oceanic predator. There have a been a few recent studies suggesting intelligence in certain shark species (BBC has a few nice pieces as well as National Geographic) but like penguins it's difficult to measure 'intelligence' as a tangible entity. Generally, sharks are loners which also throws a wrench into things. It's not too often we get to see sharks communicating or being social in a group setting. No doubt sharks have some amazing senses and an ability to at least understand what's going around them, but the jury still seems to be out as far as 'intelligence'. If you dive into it (no pun intended but totally intended) you'll find a lot of conflicting arguments. More work needs to be done to sway me towards the side of sharks. Advantage: PENGUINS… And we're all tied 2-2. Just ignore this video… Even Einstein had the occasional brain fart.
Current Population Status
Both animals are in trouble here. Shark populations aren't doing great despite recent changes to legislature, like the Shark Conservation Act of 2010 and other recent victories in restricting shark fishing. They're under attack from all angles; pollution, invasive species and competition, overfishing, bycatch, shark finning etc. The big issue here is that each country has their own set of rules and regulations when it comes to the shark fishing industry… there's really no way to uphold a set of global laws without messy international complications. Several species of penguin are either threatened or endangered as well. In particular a species I work with, the African penguins, are expected to be completely extinct in the wild within the next decade. Penguins face a barrage of problems: global warming, overfishing, predation, human encroachment, oil spills etc. Now I know for a fact there are several institutions dedicated to the preservation, care and even repopulation of these seabirds (SANCCOB, OCP, GPS, the New England Aquarium and aquariums across the globe.) It's a tough call. Penguins would probably be the first of the two species to go extinct simply because there are significantly less of them population-wise. War of attrition I guess. However all 18 species of penguins are legally protected from hunting and egg catching, which can't be said for all species of sharks. Still, I'm going to have to give the edge to sharks based purely on numbers. But I'll be DAMMED if I let anything happen to the birds at the New England Aquarium on my watch. If I see you poking any of our birds with a selfie-stick I'll get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Advantage: SHARKS ![]()
Logo Realism
Ok so let's involve the actual sport of hockey and take a look at how accurately each team's logo represents their animal mascot. Pittsburgh Penguins - The largest species of penguin in the world is the Emperor penguin, standing about 4 feet tall and weighing close to 50 pounds fully grown. How long is the average hockey stick… 4-5 feet? That would mean our penguin on the logo, assuming it's an Emperor which it is DEFINITELY NOT, would be using like a 30-something inch stick?!? Little on the short end, eh? Maybe not for a little kid from pee-wee or whatever, but these are professionals in the NHL. And that penguin is not ANYTHING you would EVER find in the wild. Visible knees, white eyebrow and beak, buff delts, wearing HOCKEY SKATES AND GLOVES!!! No just no. San Jose Sharks - Better. Closer. Warmer. The ratio of animal to hockey stick seems to be a bit more realistic. Don't know of any aqua colored sharks with bright orange eyes, but anatomically closer to what one may find in the wild. And people have found some weird ass stuff in a sharks stomach… license plates, car parts, books, lighters, golf balls. If a curious shark did come across a hockey stick floating around, there's a solid chance he'd take a bite out it. Sharks bite things as a way of figuring out if it's potential prey. Like a shark handshake or a shark hug. Ouch, strong hands. Advantage: SHARKS
Final Score: Sharks 4 - Penguins 2
There it is folks, the San Jose Sharks are your 2016 Stanley Cup Champions! YAY SCIENCE! **Disclaimer: I, Victor S. Dellisola IV, am exempt from any claims that I cost you your entire life savings or any amount of money/properties/stuffs in the event that the Pittsburgh Penguins win the 2016 Stanley Cup Finals.
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