Parties. Celebrations. Fiestas. General horseplay. Everyone wants an excuse to kick back, relax, and chug a few Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas. Luckily, 2016 presents ample opportunity to do some cool hoodrat stuff with your friends. Here are 10 obscure holidays I think you should know about.
May 11th: Eat What You Want Day
Had to post this blog today because this puppy is TOMORROW! Pretty sure 99% of America does this anyway, but now you have a justifiable excuse. Everything on the dollar menu at McDick’s? Go for it. Want to put the donut holes back into donuts so that they feel complete again before you devour them? Do it. Co-worker bugging you? Eat them. All legal tomorrow boys.
June 18th: National Splurge Day
Interpret this one as you will. I plan on blowing my yearly bonus on some limited edition Converse sneakers, a new phone and a dump truck full of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies. Go ahead and splurge all over life’s back.
July 13th: Embrace Your Geekiness Day
Ok guys, I’m going to cook Death Star waffles for breakfast before we marathon the original Star Wars trilogy on VHS! After that we’ll get some Settlers of Catan going, maybe a little Risk? Order some pizzas, chug some Mountain Dew Code Red, agro some Deathclaws, Shotty/snipes on Zanzibar, and then we’ll get ready for the superhero bar crawl! Cool? Awesome! Ok bring it in, bring it in… Han shot first on 3 ready???…. 1… 2…. 3… HAN SHOT FIRST!
July 14th: International Nude Day
The only logical follow-up to 'Embrace Your Geekiness Day'. When the clock strikes midnight drop those Xbox controllers and then drop those drawers!
August 17th: National Thrift Shop Day
What, what, whaaaat, what (x4). OHHHHH!!!
September 5th: Be Late for Something Day
I mean this one speaks for itself. Show up late for work and then leave whenever you normally would. Boss can’t do shit. Holiday bro.
October 12th: International Moment of Frustration Day
Not sure exactly what the deal is here. If I had to guess I would say it gives you a free pass to take out your frustration on something/someone with no repercussions. Like when you try to tell a story 3 different times only to get interrupted by the same dude all 3 times. Look him dead in the eye, declare audibly “This is my official moment of frustration via the verbiage and rules associated with International Moment of Frustration Day”, and then kick him square in the baby-makers. Nothing he can do. Unless of course being kicked in the junk is his official being frustrated moment. Happy holidays!
November 6th: Saxophone Day
Quite possibly the most underrated instrument of the past 100 years. Name a song that’s come out in the last century with saxophone that ISN’T good. ‘Talk Dirty’ by Jason Derulo? Fire jam. The Beastie Boys with ‘Brass Monkey’? Amazing. And who hasn’t boned to ‘Careless Whisper’? Embrace this brass beauty you saxy little thing you.
November 30th: Stay at Home Because You Are Well Day
Another legal day to skip work. “Hi I’m feeling too great/relaxed/happy to come to work today. I’ll be sunbathing on my porch and drinking.” You're wlecome.
December 5th: Day of the Ninja
Drerss up like a ninja, do ninja stuff. Sneak around your neighborhood strictly at night. Do hanging sit-ups from street lights and tree branches. Throw ninja stars at animals. Assassinate your local political figureheads. Again, all holiday legal.
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